Why Kenyans pay so much attention to SEX

There, you see. That headline just caught your attention and now you are FINALLY reading something that just might interest you. SEX. This is the one topic that will bring traffic to a standstill, clear a pub and fill the hotels. Men have been entrapped by it, women have been confused by it and it looks like just about every living creature in Kenya is enjoying it.

Bungoma County’s initial budget just demonstrated how serious sex is to their county assembly. The desire to spend 20 million kshs on “pornography awareness” showed a keen interest in the carnal pupilage of their residents; only a sincere effort would spend 20 million on porn. That’s a LOT of video. I assume it will be video, and not literotica, because even the Bungoma Governor claimed illiteracy as the reason why they would put porn on the budget, so we know they cannot read.

Sex is taken so seriously in Kenya that it fills our radio stations each morning and evening and it is headline news on our TV stations. Why lie, Kenyans love sex. Some so much that some will indulge themselves in trysts with dogs, donkeys, chickens, and most entertaining, cows. The only animal I am 100% sure that a man cannot have sex with is a cat. For obvious reasons, pussy is not pussy. Now that I have said that, I am sure someone will take it as a challenge.

Sex is why, during the vetting of Cabinet Ministers, Kenyans were so thoroughly distracted by alleged “dog porn” in Mombasa that they failed to notice that one minister was vetted by her own relatives. In fact, all of the nominees passed vetting without a single Kenyan blinking. Even the berated Phyllis Kandie was given a second life, despite ridiculous complaints as to her ‘shyness’.

While we were making light of our Kiambu Cownty brothers, the liberals in Texas made sure that sex (gender) discrimination is soundly dealt with. The laudable efforts of Senator Wendy Davis in filibuster proved that women indeed should and can take charge of their own bodies. The US Supreme Court took the issue of same-sex marriage and marriage equality seriously enough to have it mandated at the Federal level.

Meanwhile in Kenya, our different sexed MPs, county representatives and governors all united to pillage the coffers of the nation. We had hoped that by implementing in part the one third gender rule that sexual equality would lend an impartial take to the dealings of parliament and the county assembly. Sadly, despite their gender differences, these politicians have found a way to unite in raping Kenya.

Our legislators are quick to make references to sex – Kiraitu Murungi being the most notable disparager of the female sex when he quipped, “It’s like raping a woman who is already willing.” Indeed, whenever Kenyans want to be insulting, they automatically call it a woman. “Old”, “prostitute”, “ugly” and so on, to show how undesirable that particular topic or even person is.

It never occurs to a nation of misogynists, who incidentally quite enjoy sex with women, that they insult, demean and disparage their own mothers, sisters, daughters and lovers. The hue and outcry over a “caught” adulterous wife cannot ever be compared to the back-slapping congratulations an adulterous husband receives.

When you listen to our SMUT radio stations – smut meaning deluge – you are convinced that sex really is the topmost important thing on the average Kenyan’s mind. Some call-ins are so explicit that really you actually feel the pain of being insatiate. This, in traffic at 8 am, on a weekday, with your children in the vehicle with you, would make any person cringe. 

If sex is that important to us, why then do we take it so lightly? Despite the condom campaigns, I am quite sure that even the cows’ lovers were not wearing one; it actually provided for some comedy when the owner of the cow demanded 150,000kshs in payment for the cow, saying they can no longer use the milk the animal provides. This would be the first time, I suppose, that a man will pay bride price for an animal that is used to pay bride price!

At the rate Kenyans are having sex and procreating, we are estimated to have a population of 72 million by the year 2020. It’s time we pulled our clothes back on and paid attention to how we are going to deal with the consequences of sleeping around.